Ok. So, at this point, it should be obvious that I did my research prior to even seeing my doctor and saying, "Hey, I want to do this surgery." I had extensively read, on and off, for years about varying procedures, successes, and what life is like for the post-surgery patient.
I have had some great successes. I can sit in just about any chair in the office without wondering if I have to twist around to get myself into it. I am going to the gym in the basement of work during three lunch hours per week pretty regularly. Some of my pajamas are falling off me, so I only put them on right before hopping into bed.
I have also, to be honest, had some failures. I have eaten things I should not. I have learned to listen to my body, so I'm not eating until I throw up. I stop as soon as I don't feel "right." I easily forget my vitamins, which could, left unchecked, wind me up in the hospital. I allow myself to feel left out at work. We often have food and it's what a lot of people call "fun" food. At an outing the other day, I sat at a table with six other people who were eating pizza, soda, and nachos. I felt really uncomfortable because I was the odd man out, and we were working on team building! **sigh** I felt badly that I was doing what was right for me.
I went ahead and weighed myself this week. I have lost 65 pounds, so far!! That is A LOT of weight! I am just tickled that it's coming off like it is. I am pretty sure that I'm losing about a pound a week. As long as it's coming off, I think it's alright. A more telling exercise for me was I put on my coat, today. Last year, as with previous years, when I put on my winter coat, I would struggle a bit to get the zipper hooked and then it was a pretty snug fit. I have been avoiding my winter coat this year. Mostly, I hate snow and cold. If it's cold enough for me to need the winter coat, then I am not happy because I can't stand the snow. Literally. I fall down every time it snows. Well, I put the winter coat on, today. I was swimming in it. I felt like some 9 year old kid going out in their Daddy's coat. It totally does not fit! I asked Love of My Life if I looked ridiculous in a too big coat. He said it was fine. Then, I tightened the waist string. He told me to keep the string loose, because the coat looked ridiculously big with the waist accented. I do SO love him!
I still worry that I have lost all the weight I am going to lose. There is no logic in the world that is going to get me relaxed about that. I also cling tightly to the fear of gaining the weight back. It is very easy to do. I think I would really have to get comfortable with dumping and push my body to get past the dumping, to gain the weight back. It is still a rational fear. As long as I cling to the fear, I think I will keep myself in check.
The next HUGE thing for me to experience will be flying. I cannot imagine how it will feel to walk into an airport and not have the fear and dread that some airline representative will "helpfully" suggest I buy a second ticket. They do it. Most are not so helpful or pleasant about it, either. I can't imagine what it's going to be like to fly with just one ticket. I'm also curious about the experience of flying without a seat belt extender. Obviously, that experience is far, far away. I have NO vacation or sick time left and NO money to go anywhere, if I did.
In the mean time, I have an enormous jacket I have to get on to take the puppers for a walk!
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